About Me, Myself, @ I

I need money to eat and put a roof over my head or I’m constantly going to the hospital to get placed here and there. All drug addicts and tattooed gangsters, All of them. Both of my sisters my only blood left arent around. Cold blooded murderers of the heart. “Nature is cruel Styles” (Nick Nolte). It’s like being hunted in the jungle from predator to prey in the real world. It’s all crap but I need to go to sleep and wake up for a great new day even though my country of birth (Liban) is going thru some tough times and the thing with Ukraine; I can’t put a smile on my face.

Now I’m an optimist by nature and always have been. When I’m not thinking about the wars in the Middle-East, I’m here working on my philosophy and college education and I’ve reached the age of 52 with no undergraduate degree but an AA degree from Santa Monica College.

I’m just down on my luck right now. No drugs no alcohol (never), on meds and thank god medical science works huh? Legally I am mentally handicapped (not to mention my scoliosis from a few sporting spills and vehicle accidents). I’m smoking pot right now for the pain. Cigarettes sure, for about 22 years since Santa Monica College. The weiredest thing I’m into is porn. I want to transition a little into an Armenyon Femboy in order to cure my illnesses.

I’m experimenting on myself like real doctors from England. No testing on animals here.

It is of my stringent opinion that a little bit of feminization will prolong my life by a long shot. I will quit smoking in it’s entirety in order to come out of a 4.5 hour hernia surgery but I don’t know the hospital. I’m living out of my newly bought 2020 Volksvogen Passat base. First thing I’m gonna do to this car is, you guessed it – Neuspeed [[[coool]]]

I’m gonna go have a cigarette and this is my true addiction in addition to pornographic material on my smartphone. My curfew in Riverside is 9pm in an individual living situation with retarded people. Everyone around me is doing crystal method. I never touch the shit. How about Uncle Paulie’s Dottie??? Yeah. They’re all previous or still current drug addicts. I go as far as pot and in vice with nicotine, especially vaping.

If Elon Musk can do all his stuff, I can carve out a decent life for me with forty to sixty hours of work each week somehow but I don’t know how I’m going to do it or what I want to go into. I could phinish out my philosophy degree and work on this site but this is for free to the general public because it costs me nothing except to put my thoughts down, digitally by using my new ASUS Zenbook 14″ screen; ultra 7 Intel Core Evo edition.

I threw the manuals away and I learned that from my UCLA Extension instructor, Keith Jefferies. “Keith, every time I buy electronics I throw the manuals in thinking that there is no need for them.” And there isn’t. Is this because I’ve been studying Information Technology for quite awhile now with no sight of success. It’s easy. I love it. But my life is going like a never ending roller coaster likened to that of some of the rides at Magic Mountain.

Keith graduated from UCLA and has his own business called Computer Up somewhere in Los Angeles and I think based out of the San Fernando Valley; something like Sherman Oaks where my sister lives.

And Pauline she lives with her Christian Jordanian husband that treats her like a slave. (Pauline is my eldest sister and she graduated from UCLA with a French major undergraduate degree and she’s the only Armenian that’s ever helped me out except for my mom and dad, Janet and Zaven, respectively. {However, these days I’m always thinking about the war overseas and I can’t go back to check it out because it’s leveled. They made peace about a week ago and today is March 27, 2025 and all the shit started back again. They are going thru their modern thousand year war but I don’t know what the war is about except something like the disparities between the Arab Muslim world and Israelis. Weneed to establish one common power in the region with a geo-political endeavours between Lebanon and Israel only and kick the other turkeys out. Oh, my house full of ice, arak, and h20. Liban forever like Nippon economic resilience thru cooperation and cultural discipline by the two most influential sides, right??? I’m the Walrus and I despise your politicized propaganda of give back. We’ll take some Maklooba.

One Bangladeshi told me that their backs are up against the wall, but I don’t know who the Antagonist is? Everybody is fighting control over the holy land. Because what does the Jewish world have to do with the Indian continent in which these people hold hatred against Israel and I think it’s because of jealousy. They have a population of what 1.8 billion now? They are trying to take my Armenian girls because they want to go white. Are they Caucasian? I don’t know. They have Caucasian features but dark skin which I don’t like. They are dirty. This one Muslim was telling me how Christians are dirty so I feel the same with them in terms of how they treat their German cars. (Like shit.)

H8!!! ~

I live with owners of a Palesntinian home right now and they’re really clean, smart, and cool. The food sucks. It’s like my brother in laws family’s cooking which my mom always cringed at and threw away right after their visit was finished at the house we used to own in Encino, CA. Me and my mom would laugh our asses off from the unpleasantness to the ingestibles on the palette of the pink tounge my dear little friends. the food is always dyed with that bland of yellow secret sauce. Hogwash!

somehow and yes i made a promise to my dad when he pulled me into my bedroom when I was about 14 (blackbelt Tang Soo Do) he said when i’m gone your only responsiblity are these three girls (mom, Pauline, and Tina). YOU UNDERSTAND!!!!

The title here means that my main intention is to induce as many which there should be none unless you’re going up and up is that “aha” experince facilitated by every being that you find on this planet in which such being considers himself or herself a “human” not neanderthal. Now, I’m into human evolution like you don’t know. No I don’t want to change the general composition of todays human being unless it is derived by both 50/50 percent form and function. I want to do it naturally by selective breeding, nurture, sports, ethical medicine, ethical dna manipulation, but the very end term here were going to have to be very careful and we have to know our baseline genetics. I want to make every more powerful. Run, Jump, and swim, and think a lot better than ever before. I’m taking female vitamins. This is all-American theory. No European or Middle Eastern, Russian, Eastern none of that stuff. It’s all my original works. The only thing limiting me is money because I’m charging no money for everything because when I do the people close to me get offended and want it for me. Now these concepts writing here are really hard to think about and I don’t know if I’m right or wrong. I have an AA degree from Santa Monica College (honors); deans list. And at Loyola Marymount University I did great there until my Father died and I never recovered. I have 2.5 years left to get an undergraduate in Information Technology at California State University Northridge only to gain the most minimal noteriety. I still can’t get recognition and unless I make money and a lot of it because that’s all these god damn American people care about or a Ph.D. I’m 51 years of age and never a relationship with a girl. I’m going thru my third virginity and I resent everybody by the end of the day. My family disowned me because I wanted to go on my own. I did a startup in Utah (West Valley City) with a huge printed circuit board company that I got reamed by my partners and made I think and I stress “I think” 24 million dollars on corporate papers. I was taking a full load at Loyola running the family business with my sister Pauline then I had a nervous breakdown and was then shunned by EVERYONE. What the hell, now I’m homelss at an individual living next to csun. applied to csun and waiting for admit/no admit in November from the Computer Science department for Computer Information Technoloy. I’m really good at IT and understand the bare bones of hacking. I’ve always been around ever since the Apple // c and the IBM 8088. Man these nerds at the top really messed up everything. Ifeel like I have to redesign evrreything. but I’m going with microsoft because e very school and people is brainwashed on Bill Gates, Apple notwithstanding. Jobs got robbed. This is not apple. But hell still a millionarire damn right. Every girl that I meet now wants to tie the not with noo dating, I don’t care. Name of the game in this country. It’s a love/hate relationship with me.

llars I’m going to try to explain the timeless Void fro m which we precipitated from. I have no proof but this is just imagination into my reality that is going on in my mind and what I have come to not believe but that I have no better explanation for the world for right now. What Stephen Hawking described as the infinitesimal and ever yet expanding Universe is something that “grows” fractally bigger in respect to space and not space-time (just dry space). Imagine dry space as a piece of real estate that you grow and expand in its perimeter or circumference or what have you but not time like Einstein. If you want to think expansion as time included then we can think of thruways running over the land and building up or even down if you want to be more creative and sophisticated. and smaller not that a point is getting smaller such as our planet Earth and smaller ad-infinitum but that the universe is expanding and space is expanding at the same moment, so making the set point (e.g. Earth) seem “smaller and smaller,” but it’s not. Space itself which is touted as expanding at a rate much faster than Einstein’s light, however fast in parsecs that may be, but space itself is believed to be expanding at a much faster rate. When space is created by the Gods then its residue is dark matter which holds everything together. Let me explain. Imagine a swimming pool holding the water – the edge of the swimming pool is the dark matter holding all the water which is analogously spacetime as the stars and planets float in it with consistency. The set point can also be seen in a realistic term which is the cosmos. The universe expands no faster than the speed of light because it is the dry universe that has already precipitated and can’t go any further after that initial point such as the big bang for a lack of a better concept but I’d rather think as the void as something like a ginormous cloud that reacted upon itself whether the command of God or the work of one of the Pagan gods that said “and there shall be rain” and that’s how I’d like to think that all this matter that we can see came about out of nowhere. but nevertheless growing so that the matter in its spere is spreading apart and galaxies colliding too. Hawking says that there is a point of entropy of a maximum expansion whereby the universe starts to crash into itself only to regrow and expand again like a rubber band (at least that’s what my Phenomenology professor said and introduced me to Hawking at Loyola Marymount University in Westchester.). But what is going on with space itself at this moment, who knows (for arguments sake I’ll say it doesn’t collapse thereby making the image of the World as a fractal observation. I’d have to go against Hawking because he is English and I am Germanic therefore physics comes natural to me. I have to equations right now, but I’m pursuing education until the day that I die. I have a lot of work to do and I want to say that if the universe grows fractally then there is mathematical support that it does not collapse. I can’t imagine the physics because of the factor of time into the equation then who cares if it collapses but it doesn’t it’s just taking on NEW shape like some amorphous gel. Something would have to crack the dark matter so that the water spews and there is nothing left. And yes no more humans if we survive that long unless we migrate and migrate. This is incredible. How are we here, know this, and not panic except for Elon Musk with his primitive technology. I want to go to Mars by electrically bending space and traveling at warp to get the in 30 seconds. only in our minds because we cannot experience it as far as our technological physics and the laws thereof from every discipline (in the web of our primitive knowledge in terms of what we can know for sure and that opens up “another can of worms.” Let’s imagine a blossoming rose as our universe for example. The sky then outer-space would be something like the expansion of space. Where there is the void or space like we’ve never known or thought of before there is no Time, nothing can exist there; it would have to be God’s territory.[I know I’m just an ad hoc blogger I just want to get these ideas down and when I get a real education I’ll write better and better with more accuracy and backed up by citations, but for right now I am homeless]